The Fell Gard Codices

Editorial Changes, Part One

November 24th, 2011

I’m continuing the editing process. I’ve gone through a paper copy of the whole first codice, and now I’m in the process of making those changes in the online version. I think I’ve avoided major changes, but there are a few minor additions and changes I thought I’d mention here. Chapters are listed in the form Part.Chapter, so 1.2 is chapter two of part one.

— In 1.5, I’ve added a small paragraph about Ulixa deciding to accompany the group. “They had not known what to make of Ulixa, when they had woken up and seen her, with Ulric bent over the burning silver. It had seemed to Enheduanna that William and Gryselde had been shocked by the woman in some way she didn’t fully understand, were wary of her; but Gryselde had said, stiffly, that Ulixa was welcome to accompany them, as they were seeking souls in jeopardy within the dungeon called Fell Gard. For a moment Enheduanna had thought that the dark woman would refuse; but no, she had looked around and simply told them she would go with them.”

It seemed necessary to give a sense of their reactions to Ulixa; originally I was planning to give a bit of that in a flashback, but I never did find a place for that. As it is, I feel that if I need to give more depth about what was going on in Ulixa’s head, I can do that later, since this is from Enheduanna’s perspective, and she’s not necessarily hip to how different groups of mortals think about each other. The passage does create a bit of ambiguity in Gryselde’s discussion with Amanos, I think, but that’s not bad; originally I had Gryselde turn to Ulixa as a bit of a snub of Amanos, but now it becomes implicitly a comment that the company is open to non-Ossianic faiths.

— In 2.1 and 2.5 I’ve changed ‘frankincense’ to just ‘incense’. I want back and forth on this because there seems to me to a real question of how far one goes to avoid real-world references. ‘Frankincense’ comes from ‘franc incense,’ with ‘franc’ meaning ‘noble, true.’ Now that word ultimately derives from ‘Frank,’ as in ‘one of the Frankish people.’  At the time I wrote 2.1, I thought the word was acceptable since I thought I’d use words like ‘frankly’ or ‘frank’ in the sense of ‘open and honest.’ But I find I haven’t done that; I think there’s one use of ‘frankly’ in the whole text so far, which is easy enough to change. ‘Franklin’ as a term for social status occurs twice, but I can change that to ‘freeholder.’ So there we go.

— Added a description of the water-clock in 2.2, rewriting the paragraph introducing Yune. “So they went south, and came to a room with an old dwarf and a strange device in the corner of the room. A wooden frame held two tanks, with water dripping steadily from one to another; from the tank into which water dripped came a kind of rod which connected to gears that themselves were connected to the hands of a large circular dial. The dwarf paid them no notice as they all stared at the thing, though he must have heard them or seen their light. They waited; he only tended to the mechanism, carefully monitoring the dripping of water. Ulixa realised she knew what the thing was. “It’s a clepsydra,” she whispered. “A thief of water.” ”

More updates as I go.

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